I don't have your number

I'm not going to lie the first thing I did was call my mom. She didn't answer so I waited a couple of minutes and called again. She answered. When I broke the news she paused a good 30 seconds. She had no idea who I was talking about. My mom, who witnessed the falling in love, good times, bad times, and the long road that led to falling out of love. She now had no idea who I was talking about...I repeated his name, with him last. Oh! Now she knew. She laughed and wished him luck (not well, but luck).  I think her response caught me off guard.

It's been years. Though she's right I'm not pretending I wouldn't recognize him if I passed him on the street, but I have no memory of me with him. Just random moments here and there. My mom, ever lovely as she is thought I was upset. That's not it. I knew it would never be with me. I wanted to want it, but I knew he wasn't Him. Sadly, I have known that with everyone with only one exception. Regardless, I don't want to be in the situation. It is just weird. Growing up is strange. You go from sitting in a tent talking about your future to suddenly living it. Where did the time go?

I may have called my mom, but I thought of you. I try not to do that because when I do everything gets messed up. I don't know you yet, but I am sure you are experiencing the same moments. Probably feeling the same things. I have accepted you are not right here. I appreciate your patience. I know the delay is not your doing, rather it is mine. Perhaps I knew that before moving to Denver. Perhaps those are the thoughts that keep me awake and add stress to this decision. I refuse to ask the right questions because I already know the answers. I also know that had I needed to be here. I know without questions that you understand that.

Just note I'm coming. I am, I have a 9 month plan.