Gray

I have never been one to make conventional choices.

Sophomore year of college I could have easily transferred to a different school, but I chose to stay at UA. Staying there was difficult, but the right thing to do. I would never have had been able to nearly as much at any other school. I wouldn't have had the internship opportunity that I did either. Not to mention the people. I can't imagine my life without some of the people I met.

After college the plan was to a l w a y s go to Washington DC. I didn't have a plan B. That was it, the end. Then I graduated and it didn't feel right. I felt like I was banging my head against a wall trying to get things in order to move. I didn't want to. It took a year of me trying to figure out what to do with my life. Where to live?? I literally narrowed it down based on where I would know someone. I had never been to Denver. This wasn't in the plan. Yet when I decided to move here everything fell into place.

And now I'm deciding to defer Webster for a year. *gasp* Let me explain myself. For those few that I chose to talk to this about you understand (and thank you for listening to my daily freak outs AND helping me make pros and cons lists) For others this is a shock, because this was the plan. I just don't feel that getting a panic attack thinking about leaving is a good thing. AND to answer your question no, It's not that I'm just scared. It's about a lot of things. First and foremost is its going to cost me like $60,000. It's a lot of debt I'm not comfortable taking on unless I was positive this is something I want to do--and I'm not. Also I would have to leave Denver. I really like my life. I'm happy here. Why change? I know, I could come back. Everyone knows it won't be the same. This isn't a forever no, it's a I need more time no. I could always do this next year once I have saved more money, researched more programs ect.

I have lived my life with end points. Relationships had pre-planned endings even. In high school it was college. In college it was my internship, then it was moving to DC. Well I ended up in Denver so Webster became my end point. I want to live for the now and stop ending everything before they even get the chance to get started.

My life has always been black and white, right now I just want to enjoy the gray.

Oscars!

Weekends go by too fast.

I went to the movies on Friday. We paid to see Just Go With It. Which I LOVED! It starts out a little slow then its gets really good. Go see it! After we snuck into No Strings Attached. I'm a rebel. Ha it was good, but it wasn't as great as everyone has been telling me it would be. Maybe because the entire concept isn't possible?

Yesterday Myhisha and I went to the UT/CU basketball game. She made me wear UT stuff, which was alright. BUT my loyalty lies with CU. I may have cheered for them a little--in my defense their cheers are adorable and completely cheesy. Right up my ally. It was very awkward that UT lost though. After we headed to Estes Park. It's gorgeous there. No denying that. We went to the Stanly Hotel aka the hotel where the Shinning was filmed. We missed the ghost tour, but we were still able to walk around. It was really cool. After we tried to find a place to eat. It took forever! The town was creepy deserted and we were more than happy to head back to Denver.




Today I did my usual Sunday stuff--so not much. I watched a lot of Dawson's Creek. I decided to rewatch it, so far it's good. I can't believe my mom let me watch it. ha I don't think I understood any of it though.

Today was supposed to be spent writing an essay and applying for a grant for Webster, I haven't actually done that yet. I'm running through a lot of thoughts in my head right now. I feel at peace with one of my plans though. More to come later.

Currently I am watching the Oscars. I'm rooting for Mark Darcy from Bridget Jones's Diary. Just because he was in that movie and it's one of my favorites :) Aww yay they are talking about Titanic. Love love love it! It should win another award, because its that good.

Peace out!

i wish you never looked at me that way

I feel like I'm trying to turn today into a turning point. In all seriousness it's probably not. Webster has finally released grants for the program. I'm going to apply. If I get it I go if I don't I won't. It takes the pressure off of me. Bonus. BUT I probably should put more thought than that into this. All I know is today is the first day in a long time I thought of Webster and was really excited in a way that didn't involve me almost having a panic attack (yea-it has happened, I don't want to analyze what that means).

4 months....and that's all it takes for me to freak out.

I'm over thinking things.

Anyways other than that life is good. I went out last night to Jacksons then to the Gin Mill (Sound familiar). After a group of us went to Mark's house and just hung out. I didn't get home until like 4:30am--It's all a blur but it was late? We took a ton of pictures. Then me and Myhisha went to Stubens bright and early so I could get to work. I'm exhausted, but it's looking like I might go dancing tonight w/ Sally and friends. I have time to sleep Sunday. It's the freaking weekend I want to have fun
!

Only Tuesday?

I'm watching the Office...it's the one where Pam and Jim get married. Have I mentioned they are my favorite TV couple? Like even more than Pacey and Joey (well....it's close. Maybe I would call that a draw, but I like them more than Big and Carrie) Anyways I'm watching it and loving it like I have the many many times I have seen it before. Siigh Still adorable.

Is it bad that it's Tuesday and I'm already excited for this weekend? I'm going out with my people on Friday-including my neighbor. Yay for that! Then Saturday me and the girls are going movie hopping. Have not done that in years.

I was driving home from work today and even though the roads were crap I am completely happy. I think the universe works in mysterious ways, but I really believe that I am where I am supposed to be. Webster starts in 5 months. Where did the time go???? It's scary thinking I'm going to have to leave all of this.

I'm just letting it roll...

October catch up!

Fail on my part for not updating.

So hi! I'm 24 yay! I was talking to a lot of people and everyone was telling me that they don't remember being 24. It was really disheartening. BUT then I talked to my Grandma and she told me 24 was her favorite year. She was engaged (I'm nowhere near that) and the war was ending. It was encouraging. I'm really excited to see what this year has to bring. It's off to a nice start.

I went out to dinner with friends on my actual birthday. Friday night me Ash and Cole went to her marathon then out to dinner. Last night I went out Dancing. So fun, but like always when I'm with Sally it's a hot mess. I won't go into it here though. I was supposed to go to my cousin's house today but she has strep throat :(

So today I have done dishes, organized clothes, changed sheets, laundry, dusting, and organizing everything. It's exhausting, but I am being productive so kudos for that! Ok I must get my passport stuff taken care of asap. AND I'm going to email Webster just to see what I should be doing right now.

I think I'm going to Cody Wyoming for Thanksgiving...I think we will just have to see.

I pinky promise to write more!

I got in!!!!

Some of you know, most of you don't. I applied for graduate school (I know right?) I found a program and I fell in love. I just found out a half hour ago I got in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the program: http://www.webster.edu/global/

I leave next August for the Netherlands. Then I will head to Austria, England, Switzerland, and Thailand or China. Then it is off to wherever life takes me :) It is an 11 month program and in the end I will have a Masters in International Relations.

I'm really excited! This is life changing! JUST AHH! AND I get to spend 2 whole months surrounded by people who speak with a British accent. HUGE BONUS! ;)