So that happened...

A couple of months ago Tom accepted a position in Denver and things have not been the same for a single instant.

We gave our notices for our jobs in Dallas and our apartment. From there we needed to figure out where to live and I needed to search for a job. As if that wasn't enough, midway through my job interviews we discovered I was pregnant. I know, right? Cue, the tears. Whoa, was it unexpected but we were very excited and truth be told, scared. We had just ended our lease, quit our secure jobs and now...baby. Ready or not shit just got real.

Fortunately, I was able to land a job in Denver while in Dallas at a college. What a crazy few weeks, huh?

I had an 8 week check up on a Thursday. We were set to leave the following Monday for Denver. The appointment didn't go as planned. Rather than seeing a heartbeat we discovered the fetus wasn't developing at the pace it should so they needed to take my blood two times over 48 hours; because moving wasn't busy enough. SO I did that and tried not to think about things while we packed. We left on Monday. The Dr. called me Tuesday while I was driving through Kansas to confirm my miscarriage. She said I'd need to follow up with a Dr. in Denver. So---while in the car I was calling OBGYN's to make an appointment to discuss losing the baby. All the while I still wasn't experience any physical signs on a miscarriage. The earliest a Dr. could see me was last Thursday. I had to take off work during the first week. Needless to say I had a really good excuse.

Do you know what a miscarriage entails? I feel like so many people don't. It's almost not ok to talk about it---which is insane to me. This sucks---in every single way. I'm emotionally disappointed and it hurts. I'm getting ahead of myself. My Dr. in Denver told me I have three options (which I knew, thank you Google). I could let nature run its course, I could have surgery (my Dr. said this was an overkill, I was not very far along) or I could take a pill that would kick start the miscarriage within 12 hours. I'm a planner so I went that route. I took the 2nd part of the abortion pill on Saturday morning. Its was a long weekend and I'd be able to be home. Our furniture had just arrived the following Thursday so things were somewhat together. It took a few hours but the bleeding and cramping started and they have not stopped. All of this, while working at a new job and trying to acclimate to a new environment.  I'm doing it and 85% of the time I'm ok. The timing was bad but I'm still grieving the loss of this "baby" that was to be born in January. It's just a part of who I am now; we're going through this. We will get through this and one day we will want to try for a baby again. I'm not ready yet. I felt like crap while pregnant. I really want a baby but I need time to heal.

Things aren't all bad and I don't want to come off like I'm complaining. I'M NOT IN TEXAS ANYMORE! We are back in Denver, my home. I have such a great support group of people here that are lifting me up and making everything ok. I smile every time I see the mountains and truly, life is good.

I had a miscarriage. More than 50% of women do. Why aren't they talking about it?

Moving back to Denver!

YOU GUYS!

Tom and I are moving back to Colorado next month! Tom got an amazing job opportunity that we could not pass up. It's all happening really fast. We are trying to find housing. Finding housing in Denver reminds me of the Hunger Games. May the odds be ever in our favor. I'm applying for jobs, I put in my notice at work and it's just so much but so good at the same time. I'm excited to go back home. I feel like Tom and I have been living in our own little bubble and now its bursting, in a good way. I don't know it is hard to explain.

Texas, there is so much about you that I'm going to miss. My job, man I love my job. This is hard to leave. My co-workers are awesome--I hope I can find something even half as good in Colorado. I'm going to miss May and all the rain that is brings. The Central Time Zone is the best time zone so now I won't have live TV anymore. I'll miss the heat, who would have thought!? It grew on me and now I'm cold when it's 60*. I'll need to work on that.

All in all this move is nothing but good. Thank you for bearing with me while I complained about Texas for 3 years! May my future  posts be brighter.

Wanderlust

I spent last weekend in Ohio and it was wonderful. It seems strange to say that about a funeral but I didn't realize how badly I NEEDED to be there. I was surrounded by some of the people I love the most in the world for three days. Don't get me wrong, there were tears but there was more laughter. I told my mom that it is difficult to want to have the people you love the most live in a location you never want to live again. I was always be the family member that flies in for some events but misses so much more. They are all making memories without me but when I'm there I can step right in. These are the people that have known me through everything and loved me through it all. Thank you grandma, for such a beautiful weekend. Tom was really disappointed to not be there. He said that he was sad to be missing out on such a big Dunkle moment and I think that describes it best. It was a big Dunkle moment. Remind me later to tell you about the priest that called me out during the service...

 Siggh, In two days I will be back in London. I feels like going home. I'm just so excited to spend more time there.

I have spend MONTHS planning a trip. London involves a lot of time with friends, a visit to Wales for rugby, and wrapping up everything I didn't get to do the last time I was there. Venice will be all about food, wine and getting lost near the canals. It's very romantic (in my head). We will also have a day trip to the Dolomite Mountains. Apparently the pictures don't do it justice so that will be a site to see. They are 2 hours north of Venice towards Germany. I would love to stay straight and stop in Germany too---I really just want to go everywhere and see everything.

And this my friends is why I keep delaying children.

Grandma Kay

My grandma died yesterday. We knew it was coming but it still doesn't feel real. I was raised by a single mom, you all know that. She was/is awesome at it but her parents were a huge part of our lives. More so because of it. I saw them all the time. We spent summers at their house and they were there for all the major moments. She was wonderful to me.  I remember being 11 and terrified to meet my father's parents. It felt disloyal to my grandma to be introduced to another. She sat down with me and explained that there was plenty of room in my life for another; she had me all to herself up to that point and she was just fine with sharing. It didn't pan out that she needed to but it was so sweet of her to tell me that.  She is where I got my competitive nature from.We realized fairly early we shouldn't play board games together. Sharing books worked better for us. She had a ring with the birthstones of her six kids laid out in the order they were born. I would sit with her for hours trying to learn the birth order via the ring. She wore that ring for over 50 years. It's mine now but I'd rather have her.

I'll be in Ohio tomorrow through Saturday afternoon. It'll be so nice to be with family for a few days. I'm terrible at getting to Ohio and in true Mandy fashion I will only be there for 72 hours.

Long time no see

I'm still here.

I told myself I have not updated because I haven't felt like I needed to but I miss this blog. I miss the people reading this blog. At the beginning it really felt like mini love letters to Him and now I'm married to Him and don't need to write about him. Rather, I talk TO him. This blog evolved though, didn't it? It became so much more than that. It followed my Denver days and my difficult transition to Texas.This blog was there when I fell in love and those times when love didn't feel so good. It helped get me through my quarter life crisis.  It's time to follow me again. Readers, I promise you weekly updates. I feel like what I'm going through now is important to who I will become.

Where am I now? I work as an Academic Advisor at UTD. I love my job and the people I work with. Dallas and I are growing on each other. I have a group of friends here and have managed to make the most of it.

My grandma is really sick. We aren't sure she is going to make it. She doesn't get to live in the home she has lived in over 50 years anymore. It's difficult to wrap my head around all of this.

This is a period of transition and I don't want to deal with any of it. So what better time to run away than now? We are headed to Europe next month. Specifically, London (my heart!) and Venice. I have been working really hard getting this all planned so I'm really looking forward to the escape.

I'm also looking forward to catching up with YOU.

<3