Human Race

Look at us, running around.

Always rushed, always late.

I guess that's why they call it the human race.

What we crave most in this world is connection.

For some people it happens at first site.

It's when you know you know.

It's fate working its magic.

And that's great for them.

They get to live in a pop song.

Ride the express train.

But that's not the way it really works.

For the rest of us, it's a bit less romantic.

It's complicated, it's messy.

It's about horrible timing, and fumbled opportunities.

And not being able to say what you need to say when you need to say it.

If I need advise on anything I talk to people. I really listen to my mom and Jeremiah on relationship advice. Usually their advise is similar and they're are right way more than they are wrong. For this situation they have VERY different views. Uhm that doesn't help me at all!
**Ms. Cindy Lou Boo won't tell me anything-not even about a picture! ;-)

To you: It was a lot of fun, the entire day. I just don't appreciate being blind-sided. Not to mention I have told you my views on things like that. It was presumptuous to assume I wanted to do that so early. Though, like I said it did go well. So I don't know.

This isn't as thought out as I would like it to be. I have a lot to say, but I'm editing my thoughts. The quote at the beginning explains things better than I could right now.

St. Patrick's Day Parade

Last night scared me to the core. I don't want to post it on here, but know that I am ok. I'm also more than grateful for Katherine and Myhisha. You girls rock my world and I'm so proud of how you handled the situation. I tried to find a quote, but non of them suited this situation other than I love you girls and that crappy situation only brought us closer.

Today was the St. Patrick's Day Parade. Sam, Myhisha, Cody and I all went. As you can see we were very green :) Too bad it was cold! We learned an important lesson though: don't stand near a cross walk during a parade. After the parade we headed to Stubens for lunch. Still love that place! I came home and passed out--for 7 hours. Yet I'm still tired and will prob do just that again pretty soon here. Exciting right?

I said this weekend was going to be a shit show. I was right--shit shows are supposed to be more fun that this though!!!!! You will all be happy to know though. We are still winning!

Gray

I have never been one to make conventional choices.

Sophomore year of college I could have easily transferred to a different school, but I chose to stay at UA. Staying there was difficult, but the right thing to do. I would never have had been able to nearly as much at any other school. I wouldn't have had the internship opportunity that I did either. Not to mention the people. I can't imagine my life without some of the people I met.

After college the plan was to a l w a y s go to Washington DC. I didn't have a plan B. That was it, the end. Then I graduated and it didn't feel right. I felt like I was banging my head against a wall trying to get things in order to move. I didn't want to. It took a year of me trying to figure out what to do with my life. Where to live?? I literally narrowed it down based on where I would know someone. I had never been to Denver. This wasn't in the plan. Yet when I decided to move here everything fell into place.

And now I'm deciding to defer Webster for a year. *gasp* Let me explain myself. For those few that I chose to talk to this about you understand (and thank you for listening to my daily freak outs AND helping me make pros and cons lists) For others this is a shock, because this was the plan. I just don't feel that getting a panic attack thinking about leaving is a good thing. AND to answer your question no, It's not that I'm just scared. It's about a lot of things. First and foremost is its going to cost me like $60,000. It's a lot of debt I'm not comfortable taking on unless I was positive this is something I want to do--and I'm not. Also I would have to leave Denver. I really like my life. I'm happy here. Why change? I know, I could come back. Everyone knows it won't be the same. This isn't a forever no, it's a I need more time no. I could always do this next year once I have saved more money, researched more programs ect.

I have lived my life with end points. Relationships had pre-planned endings even. In high school it was college. In college it was my internship, then it was moving to DC. Well I ended up in Denver so Webster became my end point. I want to live for the now and stop ending everything before they even get the chance to get started.

My life has always been black and white, right now I just want to enjoy the gray.

Winning!

I'm writing this tired, so prepare yourself.

It was a strange week. I don't think I liked it very much? Now that it's over I feel like things are ok..it was just off (maybe the word I'm looking for here is hard. I couldn't decide).

In better news:
My mom rented an apartment. She is really doing it--moving to Myrtle Beach. I am so proud/excited for her! It's going to be strange to visit home...where do I go? Ohio or Myrtle Beach? Everyone else is in Ohio....it's going to be strange not having my mom there. All in all though this is a really good thing!

I'm exhausted. I don't know why...too much work this week maybe??? lalalalalala

I have a new obsession. Are you ready? Ok..let's go!

CHARLIE FREAKING SHEEN

He is bi-winning. He wins here AND there. Not to mention he has tiger blood :)